As the year draws to a close

It's been a while since my last blog post.. but I have been a tad bit busy with exams and projects.

But on Christmas day in a foreign country, I feel that I should take a moment and say thanks to all the blessings that I have. In this constantly changing dynamic we call life, we are rushed, often pushed into doing things, things we may or may not want. We crave for those that we can't possess, we wish for those that we had and lost, we pray for something different. These will happen, when it is meant to and when it is the right time.

Understand that there are those across this vast and glorious earth that live to find the next morsel of food. There are those who live in poverty and a desperation that encapsulates and engulfs their entire existence. There are those who live without hope.

But we are the blessed lot. We have family who care for us. Friends who wish us well and whom we can share and enjoy. We also have that someone special, who thinks of you and no one else.

So on this Christmas day, I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, an education that enlightened my mind, family that will always stand by me and friends I can count on.

What do I believe in?

The importance of one's beliefs is not apparent when  one is a young boy. During childhood, we are in a search for the beliefs that we know inherently represent us. It is quite beautiful the process by which we arrive at the conclusions of our existence. I am particularly intrigued by the time when one would make that choice, the choice to be a particular sort of person. It is almost like an anti climax, the beginning of the end.

My quests  of inner self discovery have always been a sort of understanding to find out if I am an atheist or theist. It is quite difficult let me tell you. There is a plethora of data supporting each. To assume one stance is to put yourself at a risk of antagonizing  the other.

But then you do need to sort it out. It gives you a sense of relief at the end. Deep down you always knew the answer. That is the realization at the end of this exercise of introspection. So if you were like me a believer in the one true god, you would be surprised at why did you ever doubt His existence in the first place. The evidence is all around us, but why this doubt. Does it mean that we were meant to doubt ? Maybe finding the answer through the haze of doubt helps it make it a little clearer.

Richard Dawkins, the famous scientist and self proclaimed atheist talks about how his beliefs firmly founded on Darwin's famous theory, makes it almost impossible to assume that there is a god. He outlines his believes quite succinctly. He also takes a playful jab at the creator stating that he would ask god why he took such pains to hide himself. Quirky and funny. But interesting though. Very. If He does exist, then why all this secrecy? Again I am thrown into a the dark hole of confusion.

Is this the way?

I let you go,

Let you fly,

Even though I know

I should have tried

Seemed the right thing

Didn’t know it will bring

So much of hurt , so much of pain

Can’t get you out of my brain

Seeing you disappear, going far away,

What am I to do, what am I to say.

Wish I could, you know I would,

But life before me, has to clear

I have to be free, have a career.

Does that sound insane? 

Is it my bane?

What a way, what a life,

Every time I hear you, it causes strife.

It hurts now, but the pain will recede,

The pain of the future, I have to erase

Forgive me, I hope you will

Can I forgive myself, that won’t fit the bill.

What does it matter, in the end

Cause I have a cause and I won’t bend

You fought for me , I pushed you away,

Now in the end, I don't even know what to say

I made my bed, now I must lie in it too

Problem is no one can replace you.

The Drop

He had the look.

Eyes glinted a mad belief. He walked with a sole determination. The wind bayed and the trees swayed. The incline was getting steeper. As he walked briskly, he realized he wasn't panting. No more gasping for breath. As if the lungs knew. Little by little the flora and fauna receded.


It was dusk and the sun cast a gloomy outlook on the hill. Shadows formed as if welcoming him into the unknown. He couldn't help get the feeling that they were almost embracing him. The shadows they knew. Little by little, as he trudged up the rocky path, life forms decreased.


In maniacal rush to the top, he tried his best to block all the images. But it was futile. He kept replaying the scene over and over in his head. Like a broken tape recorder that played the same few lines, he kept repeating the scene. It was so vivid, he was still sweating. How could he have made this mistake. In one single step he had destroyed his career. He had done the operation innumerable number of times, yet never faltered. In medical school, he was as cool as ice, when it came to surgery. Yet here he was, a doctor in shame. A single mistake that defines you. He knew he could fight the battle in court and save his career. But the boy was dead, which meant he had lost the battle with himself.


He gritted his teeth and increased his speed. He remembered how the head nurse warned him that cutting the A line would send the boy into shock. The ego never listens does it. He was the doctor and there was no questioning him. In a million attempts he wouldn't have cut the A line as it stops the blood flowing to the brain. But it was as if fate was forcing his hand. Cognizant of the mistake he was about to make, yet it was as if he was stuck in his own body. He kept screaming , frustrated at such a simple error in judgement. He willed it, pushed it , forced it yet his hand went forward. Cutting across his degree, his career and his mental balance, he cut the A line. The patient immediately went into shock. In minutes, before the machine could tell him, he knew. They all did.


In the court case of life, he had lost. He didn't want to be forgiven. He could never forgive himself. There was no going back. Death was the final and ultimate truth. There is no bending it. No deceiving it , no dodging it. No undoing and no exit strategy. He reached the top of the hill.


His one mistake had changed the course of so many lives. The mother, father and siblings of the patient. His family, his children. Everyone's life was connected to that one moment of insanity. It was almost as if he cut off the light to so many lives with that one incision of his surgical knife.

The wind was strong and every molecule in his body shouted against it. He closed his eyes and tried to recollect all that he was leaving behind. He had hurt everyone , there was no forgiveness. No redemption , just cold, hard death.

In that realization, he let go. Of life, of happiness, hope, salvation , suffering, agony, tensions, sickness, health, despair, hope, greed, modesty, wealth , poverty. Everything there was and everything there wasn't.

He let go of it all and dropped into the truth.

Equation out of balance

Being a nerdy geeky  guy,  I tend to analyse most things.


Our life is or life in general is one big equation like say life L,
                              L= A+B+C


If any of the factors A, B or C changes, life L changes  big time. At every stage of life , I try to anlayse what has changed. The changes can be minute like getting drenched in rain or significant like losing ones' job.


But one can console oneself by believing that L is constant. If A decreases then B has to increase.
My L remains a constant no matter what. So I have been assigned an L, that's all I will get. No more no less. If one were to live life with this philosophy, one would be very happy.


But like me if you believe that one's L is just not good enough, we try our best to increase the A, then the B and its never ending. Being content with the L that one is given can be described as a characteristic. Something if you think about it, a useful trait to have. I see some of my friends possess this trait and they are genuinely happy with L and the L given.


Others like me are in constant search, a never ending one of finding the right variables to reach the 'L' I aspire, dream and one day hope to possess.

Running with a Redbull

The other day, I had an exhaustive day at work. All I wanted to do after getting home was to crash. I was so tired. I really had no intention of going for my usual jog in the evening.  It is at this time, I remembered that I had a can of redbull in the refrigerator

As I sipped on it, I couldn’t help but wonder how this awful medicine like drink had become so popular with the masses. It has this sweet, sour mix that is reminiscent of the cough syrups I used to have while growing up. But I had one. At first it seemed like any other drink, it quenched my thirst. Everything remained the same. There was no change of any kind.

I walked to the park where I normally do my evening jogawalk as I like to call it. It is a combination of jogging and walking. Normally, it takes me 5 rounds of the oval shaped park to start gasping.  But today, even after my usual 3 rounds of warming up, I didn’t feel tired. Not in the least bit. It’s not just tiredness. I was not even out of breath. I felt that I could do 10 rounds of the park in one go. Calmness descended upon me. Calmness compounded with a steady and powerful infusion of limitless energy. I felt I could go on forever. I felt detached. An out of world experience. I could feel the pain increasing but at the same time, energy flowing in. relentless, never ending. I felt sorry for the people not on this fantastic drink. Almost invincible. 

 But after 10 rounds of the park, I could feel a tinge of pain shoot up through my legs. I willfully stopped myself. I had to, my body was in pain yet I could still feel the energy. Yes it was beautiful, but inside I knew it was scary.Like a supernova explosion.

After returning I did some research on whether it was harmful to my body to have a red bull before working out. As with most products, there were reports both in favour and against it. But any product that artificially enhances you is bad for your body. It is what I believe. Although, I felt like god, it is a bad idea to drink a red bull before a work out.

The Importance of Being a Redneck

If you say that someone is a redneck, you immediately think he is a gun toting, drunken, xenophobic nationalist with old world ideas and who hates everyone not from his neighborhood. I have to say you are right. 


To be precise (nowadays you have to be, you know like Wikipedia), I researched the term on Dictionary.com.
It is defined as follows:






red·neck   [red-nek]  Show IPA Informal: Often Disparaging .
noun
1.
an uneducated white farm laborer, especially from the South.
2.
a bigot or reactionary, especially from the rural working class.


As a 'redneck' you are only concerned with your life! Period! Nobody else's. I know most of these personality traits are not to be condoned. But there is one thing I admire in the rednecks of america (other countries too) and some of these characteristics are shared by a vast majority of the American public too - that is they don't give a damn about the rest of the world. Leave aside the world, they don't care about anyone outside their state and some not even outside their county or district. This is a characteristic that I admire.


In India, I know that we have been taught to have a global view. Most Indians know the heads of all the major countries. They know the parties , they know their political inclinations and they have the mental aptitude to make even political analysis of world evens. They can even come to conclusions and make inferences if needed.


But let me ask you how much of this is useful. What good does it do for you that you know who is running for the Republican party seat in US or why Greece is in debt and or the political and economic implications of a war in the Middle East. 


Does it affect you in any way? That is the question that needs to be asked and if the answer is yes, only then is that relevant information. 


If you ask most Indians who the local Municipal chairman is or who the Panchayat president is, most likely he doesn't know. I am not saying I am any different from the rest. I too don't know. I too live in the global scene. I don't know who is responsible for the shoddy roads, the open man holes. I don't know and really wouldn't care if a bridge construction has been ongoing for the past decade. I really don't care. I am more interested in whether the IMF is reducing the interest rates or who is going to be the next UN Secretary general. I am the global citizen. Not some petty individual who only thinks about his surrounding.


This is the difference between a redneck and people like us. While they maybe xenophobes and don't understand the cultural and socio-economic importance of immigrants. They are very concerned about their district and their town. They are interested that their neighborhoods are safe and they have the necessary infrastructure facilities for a good, comfortable life.

Waste at Vilapilasalla, Kerala

An incident occurred in Kerala in the Trivandrum district in a place called Vilapillshala. This was the location of the dumping ground for the waste generated in the state. What normally happens in these waste disposal sites, is waste disposal. But in Vilapillashala for years, waste was just being dumped. Heap upon heap of garbage just lying around. Politicians and the great leaders made promises every year and none were kept. 


Finally, the residents got so fed up they collectively agitated. Irrespective of political, religious affiliations, the entire populace came out in support for removal of the waste which had made the place inhuman to live.They didn't heed to any political party nor were they discouraged or disheartened in their fight for basic human rights. So no one could fool them and prolong the issue. It was beautiful. Inspired by the events at Villapilasala, a similar kind of protest has started in a place called Laloor in Thrissur district Kerala. Read


It is time that we realize that unless we resolutely and actively take interest in our surroundings and neighborhoods, we are going to be dealing with the same problems for generations. Just imagine if each and everyone in the country takes such measures and become actively involved in their society, their neigbourhoods, their towns and districts, India is definitely going to improve. Also, the people in power have no choice but to be accountable. The whole country will improve. 


So go ahead be a redneck for your own well being. Otherwise waste is going to be dumped on you forever.

Dear.__________.___________

If any of you have seen the wonderful wonderful ad of dear.sophie.lee.

you must know then that if you hadn't teared up you must be made of stone or have a doctor check you out.

Honestly, I was holding back the flood gates post that ad. The tear ducts were almost about to give way to a waterfall, but I mustered up the last bit of manhood in me and had the glazed almost cried effect. They really need to put up a disclaimer sign saying Beware: watch only when alone! 

Anyways, luckily nobody noticed but even if they did, another tearjerker the good old raymond ad of the yore days, which says only real men cry! well  that ad helped us men out a bit. Needn't burst a blood vessel holding back the tears anymore.

But coming back to the point of the matter. The dear.sophie.lee ad really states the fact that we are moving into a world which is slowly but surely merging with the digital world. Although, we don't see the binary codes yet, they are slowly but surely becoming a part of our daily lives. 

Just the other day, my cousin sister had come to the house with her new born son. He is an angel and like all babies, I was trying to grab his attention (and not make him cry- he is a a bawler, but an angel nevertheless) by asking him if he wants an iphone, laptop,etc. Everyone in the family was having a nice time listening to me making a sales pitch for digital products to a 2 month old. But funny thing, in a mallu family, no one blinked ! These are not your everyday products like soaps, toothpaste, toys etc, but very sophisticated and quite expensive products. But even my technology repelling family members too are beginning to see that this is the way things are going to move forward. 

The google chrome ad has captured in essence this moment so well. It has advertised itself not just as a product of choice for tear jerking dads but also given us a lifestyle on google. A way of life with the myriad of unique products that google doles out. Not only that, it has in essence given us a manual for life with a copyright to use only google products for our life time and for generations to come.A brilliant ad. 

My point being it won't be long now, when laptops becomes cheap or even cheaper than milk! (milk now cost Rs 19 for a litre). When the day and age comes, you know whom to turn to when you type those golden words. The last time I went to my native place, I managed to rummage through some of the cupboards and came up with photos from my childhood. There were so few as compared to the present generation . The present generation will have their whole lives documented , well till the teenage years anyway. Some teens don't like being photographed by mum and dad. But the point being, life is on the fast track for these kids. They are on a whole different platform from us, they will be having a facebook account by the time they turn 1. Many of them would be blogging by the time they are 10. Some would be having their own website. Some would be ordering items from website. They are leap years ahead of so many generations before us. There are so many negative points to this acceptance of technology into our lives and our children's lives. But like the google chrome ad tells us, and this is an important lesson. The web is what you make of it. So if we start behaving responsibly on the web, it would be a wonderful world we will be leaving for the next generation. Like we should take care of the physical world be it by reducing pollution, waste, making it greener etc, so should we become more responsible for the digital world because rest assured they will be spending way more time than us on the digital world.

So let's make the best use of it. 

Love,

A tearjerker